All over the place.


I have to admit that I am one of those people who seem to have a million unread emails. I know- I'm embarrassed. But the thing is, I am always in a rush, always on to the next thing. Running behind, running late, trying to run with it. Lately I've been wondering what the problem might be.  Am I disorganized? Am I taking on too much? Am I not productive enough? 

I want to blame being a New Yorker for the cause of my mental mess because it's the nature of this city. Our lights never go out, our phones never shut off, the pressures never die down. But in reality, you don't just have to be a New Yorker to relate, our culture is perpetually flooding our lives with more to look at, more to do, more to consume us away from the most important things. This generation doesn't disconnect, it is nearly impossible to go off the grid. How does one, then, keep their sanity, balance, health and peace of mind? How does one invest in family, friends and career? How does one possibly find the time for themselves, their needs, their wellbeing... time to allow God to restore their souls? And then we wonder why we aren't living as effectively as we'd like. 

I often get asked the question "How do you juggle it all? How do you manage?" like I'd have any answers. In my head, I am struggling just to perform at an average level. Nobody carries exactly what you carry, nobody can measure your level of stress, nobody knows about the pressures you feel; it is all internal. But who has time to think about pressures anyway? Thinking about "the pressures" only makes you procrastinate, thus generating more pressure. I just take a day at a time, put one foot in front of the other. Deal with one email at a time. And because of that, I have been too busy to even remember to ask myself how I am doing.  

We never seem to have much time left to replenish our souls enough before we have to pour more out again. We always feel like we are running on reserve. We expect God to show up in big ways but we don't even save him enough time to show up and refuel us. Isn't one of the points of knowing God that He will replenish our souls and quench our thirst? Why, then, am I exhausted? Why am I running? Why, then, are we restless and anxious? Why are we disoriented? I thought one of the perks of knowing God was to know his peace...

We are certain that to live in God's presence is the only way we can find fulfillment. But living in God's presence isn't achieved just by "knowing" God. Whether we fall short, run out of options or run out of fuel we expect Him to show up, replenish and restore our souls. We say that we know him but we forget that the key is to WALK with Him. But we just KNOW God. We speak to him, we speak well of him, we set our alarms to remind ourselves to spend time with him. We are acquaintances, good neighbors. 

But good neighbors are who you go to when you run out of sugar, they are not your first call, your first thought, your go-to. Not who you share most laughs with, they are certainly not part of your will. But we want God to show up in our lives and replenish our souls when all we are is "good neighbors". We were called to WALK with him, not to just know him and pay our respects on sundays. 

May we be the generation that figures out how to walk how we were intended to walk. Let us never settle for any less than our promises and let us not possess any less than our inheritance. 

Knowing and accepting God saves your soul, but walking with God replenishes our souls.

X Es


Wearing: For Love And Lemons/ Converse
Creative and art direction: Moi
Shot by Hannah Burton